It hurts!!

Right now, I have one thing against the nation of Pakistan... a feeling of pure jealousy that is burning me from the inside. I could not watch the T20 world cup finals on 21st evening till the end. It was pretty clear early on which is the better team and who is gonna win this cup.

On 22nd morning when I switched on the TV, I changed the channel immediately that was showing all the Pakistanis dancing in streets on Islamabad and Lahore. However, it was pretty depressing to watch India specific news on other channels that were showing Lalgarh and Kashmir violence. On one other channel, Dhoni was busy selling the PSPO with koney koney me jyada hawa, while his cricket in the tournament was Pretty Stupid, Pretty Ordinary. Suddenly India seemed a depressing place to be and the only glimmer of good news was that some Indian scientists had managed to clone a buffalo.

What hurt more is that the winners from the 2007 world cup exited without a fight because they were too weak to put up one. They got hurt making money for themselves in some WWF style lousy fist fight.

Indian cricket was not always like that. I am sure you all remeber that in 1893, a bunch of villagers managed to beat the then imperial powers over a small issue of few hundred rupees in taxes and a big issue of pride. Almost a 100 years later, in 1983, we beat the then reigning kings West Indies and became world champions against all odds. In 2007, a bunch of kids playing for nothing but joy of cricket beat the mighty Aussies and SA and went on to win the finale too.

This Pakistani team is a lot like the 1893 Indian team that beat the British. They are playing for themselves, against the system and against the mega power the Imperial Premier League. None of the players were allowed to play for the IPL and worse, one of the major bowers Razzaq was a part of IPL's poor cousin the ICL.

Hats off Younis Bhai. You are the real hero. May God bless you.

Whats the point?

Whats the point behind wasting time in doing this identification parade? Did the whole world not see this guy wielding weapons in CST on camera? Even his mom and dad recognized him seeing his photograph...

Come one guys, give us a break. 

Aila? Storm?

I read this news item in Times of India - Kolkata stares at cyclone Aila and thought that even though IPL is over, there is one last match left between Kolkata Knight Riders and Mumbai Indians... to know more why I thought so, please read fakeiplplayer.blogspot.com. 

There is no storm left in Aila, btw. One of the guys at work called him Bhishma Pitamah of Indian Cricket - no wonder all the shikhandis in the world keep taking his wicket.

Mr Ruler, Suck on It!

At the beginning of IPL-1, India Today ran an article on KKR and Shahrukh Khan where he mentioned what his son thought about owning a cricket team. I would like to quote from India Today's article. And lets cut some slack to the kid, afterall he is just a kid, but of course no such courtesy's for Mr. SRK...

“He told me, ‘Papa, we are rulers, not servants. Let’s do this alone’. I woke up my wife (Gauri) in turn and told her this. She wasn’t very happy.”

Cut to IPL-2 and there is Mandira Bedi's interview where he essentially tells all his critics to go "Suck on it".

Based on these two interviews and after losing all these matches and reading through the juicy posts on the fakeiplplayer.blogspot.com, I would like to ask Mr. Khan - so, have you sucked on it already? Did it taste good? :-)

Swine Flu

Question: What would the swing flu be named by US administration if the flu had originated in India?

Answer: H1L1 flu

BTW, whats with the H1 visa now? Seems it is still available... see here

While you were sleeping...

Dear Mr. PM,

It was very heartening to see this statement that you made to the press - I'll revive economy in 100 days: PM and to know that you indeed care about this country's poor and middle class citizens. Thank  you for the gesture during the elections at the least.

To make you understand your job and what you need to achieve, I would like to tell you that while you were sleeping for the last 5 years, my grocery bill has gone up by 50-70%. I spend much more on petrol even while my commute to office is reduced. Expenditure on clothes has gone up as the shopkeeper explains that raw material has become costlier.

I cannot understand how our salaries and net worth have not gone up that much though, because when I was reading the newspaper the other day, it told me that one of your esteemed colleague and boss Rahul Gandhi pays about 11lakhs in income tax and is able to maintain shops and properties in prime location in Delhi - yet his sources of income remain mysterious. AFA we all know, he has no job and earns some paltry amount as MP. Can you tell us the magic of making such money, Mr. PM? Tell me the trick, buddy... who do I have to suck up to?

Last year you were so good to farmers and gave free money to rich farmers all over the country. Can you please waive off my car loan and house loan also? I too would like to do nothing and get money, you see. 

Prestige Shantiniketan Bangalore

I have been asked to take this message to all people who have booked a flat in Prestige Shantiniketan in Whitefield, Bangalore and would gladly do so.

If you are one of them or know anyone who has done a booking, please spread word this group in yahoo-groups: prestige_shantiniketan _at_ yahoogroups dot com. It is a pretty neat group with lot of action and information and ongoing discussions about project completion status, VAT/service tax, guidance value of the property, etc.

Recently, Prestige Shantiniketan Apartment Allotees Welfare Association (PSAAWA) was formed and the current strength is close to 350 PSNs. The group conducts regular meetings and is very active in answering questions, right from what is the correct paperwork to who is good supplier of kitchen fittings in Bangalore to some of the experiences of folks already living in the apartment complex.

As Prestige have started sending letters to PSNs informing that their flats are ready and that they pay the balance amounts and take possession of their flats, it seems that there are a lot of queries and open issues. PSAAWA as a group has been able to initiate a contact with the top brass of Prestige (a fruitful meeting happened with bigshots @ Prestige last month on 30-Jan-10) and achieve significantly which an individual would have normally found it difficult. I would request all PSNs who have not joined PSAAWA to join and strengthen the hands of the association. I am a proud member of PSAAWA.

Please get in touch with Mr Narayanan (mn1959@gmail.com) or Praveen (psn1042@yahoo.in) for details.

Do channel par "Jay" ho?

I think Arnab Goswami of Times Now pulled a fast one on viewers tonight.

This happened between 9:32 and 9:34 PM on March 09, 2009.

Mr. Jay Panda of BJD (you can get more information on him here) was live on CNN-IBN talking to Rajdeep Sardesai and Chandan Mitra of the BJP. I happened to flip the channel to Times Now and heard Arnab say that he will shortly have Jay Panda of the BJD on the program shortly. I was naturally curious and was wondering how was this being made possible. Jay Panda did appear on the program, answered Arnab's question and then vanished. At the exact same instance, Jay was also talking to Rajdeep.

From whatever little forensics my brain understands, I could make out that Jay was indeed having a conversation with Sardesai and Mitra and Arnab could have very well inserted a recording with tremendous effect. Just that he did not expect a detective like me watching two channels at the same time :-)

Mind you - this is supposed to be LIVE television... Or is it deferred live? How deferred? 5 mins, 10 mins?

Not been there...

I did not expect this kind of an article from a person who heads HSBC in India.
In an article in WSJ, Mr Tarun Kataria, who is the top boss of HSBC India claims that Obama's policies of capping bonuses and directing lending to a special segment of industry has strong parallels in Indian economy... Read his full article here.
Totally wrong, I would say. In case of US, the cap on salary is not on the best and the brightest brains. It is on the blokes who screwed it all up. They first misled everyone, took huge bonuses and then when the truth came out, ran to the Gov saying sorry. WTF?!?!
Mr. Banker, please don't take ordinary people like us for a ride.

Question of Pyaas

Two ads on India television recommend Pepsi and Sprite to quench thirst. Could someone tell me if cola drinks really help if someone is thirsty?
I googled and could not get a good answer. If cola drinks are diuretic and if body loses more water by drinking them then it would be really harmful to drink cola when you are thirsty. It would also be 180 degrees opposite of what these advertisements claim. कोई न बुझाये प्यास, सब कुछ है बकवास...

Seven second delay

While watching the oscars this morning, I kept reminding myself that there is just about seven second delay between the actual event and the transmission to the whole world. It does not look that way at all. The performances, lighting, live music and the presentation was perfect.
Compare this to any award function in India and you can only feel bad. National awards are too formal and boring. Filmfare/Stardust/Screen awards are shoddy in production value and are not even telecast the same day. It take almost week to edit and telecast. IMHO producers of such functions in India lack basic औकात (au-kaat).

Two political parties, one voice

Nope, this does not mean that the parties necessarily agree with each other. In fact, these two political parties could not have more divergent views on any topic. I am talking about the political advertisements on the telly.
One of the ads is by Behenji Mayavati (मेरे पास उनका साथ है) and other by Government of India, i.e. the Congress (Sonia). The voice in both the advertisements is same - belonging to Kailash Kher. Pretty cool for him since the grass is green on both sides of the fence :-)

Greenathon BS

A leading news channel in India - NDTV is indulging in an exercise called Greenathon to supposedly increase awareness about green technology among its viewers. It is a 24 hour long telecast, being called a first in the television history. Indeed it is and IMHO is the biggest bullshit any TV channel has ever produced in the name of environment, awareness, humanity and what not.

I would like to ask the owners of NDTV:

1. How much money did you spend in brainstorming about this program? The money is directly proportional to the amount of night oil burnt.
2. How much money is being paid to the anchors, artists and celebrities performing on this show? Because if it is in name of awareness, I do expect them to perform for free. Otherwise, they are going to take this money, spend it and add to carbon emissions.
3. You gave ads in newspapers, right? How much money/ink/paper/trees could have been saved otherwise?
4. The set looks phenomenal. How much did you spend on lighting and sound? Please remember each paisa saved on these items will add to saving carbon emissions.
5. What about post production e.g. editing the program? How many computers were used to add special effects? Could you have done with switching few off?

It was funny to see:

1. Toyota is one of the advertisers. I know of Toyota as one of the companies that makes cars. Cars burn petroleum products.
2. A senior person from Nokia was on the show asking people to recycle old phones. He should have rather asked everyone to keep using the old phones and buy less of the newer models that Nokia keeps bringing out. Now that would be committing suicide, isn't it?

It is sad that no one seems to understand that this problem is worsened because of consumption beyond what we really need. We ought to pledge for environment by doing one thing we all can - LOWER OUR STANDARD OF LIVING. And that includes watching less television; especially channels like NDTV.

"Tare Zameen Par" Zameen Par?

In the din of A.R. Rahman's music, I think we are forgetting that "Tare Jameen Par" is not selected as India's entry to Oscar. I am sad today.
Lets not forget that Slumdog Millionaire is NOT an Indian movie. It is a British movie, directed by a British dude and it caters to British sensibilities. It is a poverty porn no matter how much Danny Boyle denies it.
It is also not Rahman's best work. If he gets an Oscar for this movie, what about Roja and Bombay? What about the combo of Guljar and Rahman for the Chhaiya Chhaiya song in Dil se?

Ads mimic life

One more intance of advertisements mimicing life. See this ad first - Motoyuva and look at the guy drawing a picture of his teacher. Then this ad for center fresh shows the same person telling his father that he flunked again.
Pretty cool, right? If the guy was busy making merry in class, he had to flunk, isn't it :-)

Who elected this guy?

It was very interesting to read this article in WashingtonPost.com - The Bush Verdict Is In. It is funny to see all these journalists outdoing each other through news articles, editorials and blogs in trying to vilify this outgoing President Bush. While I have no sympathy for Bush, I would like to ask a very simple question - who elected this guy to run America? You did, right? All of you are therefore as wrong as Mr. Bush. Clearly, the voters in America screwed up big time, and that too not once - twice... twice.
People in western world should no longer call India a flawed democracy, because this title should now go to the USA. When our leaders screw up, there is a Bofors scandal, chara ghotala, Din Dayal Upadhyaya Trust case etc. This is minuscule compared to Iraq wars, trillion dollar deficit, world wide economic depression etc.

Should mercinaries be hired?

It is very obvious that leaders/politicians in this country will not allow any police reforms to take place. And, it is very obvious that all other steps like creating a national agency to fight terror will be forever forever bogged down under babu-dom in this country. 

It is clear that the terrorists who attacked Bombay were poor people from Pakistan who agreed for this task only for money. Therefore, I have an idea. Indian government should announce a fund where such terrorists can come, confess, take more money and go back and attack Pakistan/Taliban/Lashkar/al-Qaeda and whever other god-forsaken organisation they initially belonged to. These guys are anyway trained well. They are motivated and this motivation can then be put to good use!

What say you?

Prasoon Joshi's Poem

This needs to reach as many people as possible...

इस बार नहीं

इस बार जब वो छोटी सी बच्ची मेरे पास अपनी खरोंच ले कर आएगी
मैं उसे फू फू कर नहीं बहलाऊँगा
पनपने दूँगा उसकी टीस को

इस बार नहीं

इस बार जब मैं चेहरों पर दर्द लिखा देखूँगा
नहीं गाऊँगा गीत पीड़ा भुला देने वाले दर्द को रिसने दूँगा,
उतरने दूँगा अन्दर गहरे
इस बार नहीं

इस बार मैं न मरहम लगाऊँगा
न ही उठाऊँगा रुई के फाहे
और न ही कहूँगा कि तुम आँखें बंद कर लो, गर्दन उधर कर लो मैं दवा लगाता हूँ
देखने दूँगा सबको हम सबको खुले नंगे घाव

इस बार नहीं

इस बार जब उलझने देखूँगा,छटपटाहट देखूँगा
नहीं दौडूंगा उलझी डोर लपेटने
उलझने दूँगा जब तक उलझ सके

इस बार नहीं

इस बार कर्म का हवाला दे कर नहीं उठाऊँगा औजार
नहीं करूंगा फिर से एक नयी शुरुआत
नहीं बनूँगा मिसाल एक कर्मयोगी की
नहीं आने दूँगा ज़िन्दगी को आसानी से पटरी पर
उतरने दूँगा उसे कीचड में,
टेढे मेढे रास्तों पे

नहीं सूखने दूँगा दीवारों पर लगा खून
हल्का नहीं पड़ने दूँगा उसका रंग
इस बार नहीं बनने दूँगा उसे इतना लाचार
कि पान की पीक और खून का फर्क ही ख़त्म हो जाए

इस बार नहीं

इस बार घावों को देखना है
गौर से थोड़ा लंबे वक्त तक
कुछ फैसले और उसके बाद हौसले
कहीं तो शुरुआत करनी ही होगी
इस बार यही तय किया है

- प्रसून जोशी

Prevention of Cruelty

According to this Times of India story, Animal welfare board has accused Vodafone of indulging in cruelty against animals in the ongoing ads involving the pug.
I say, what the hell... what about cruelty against humans who are subjected to these ads after every over and sometimes after just 5 balls in an IPL match?

Yellow Colour

It is my theory that the Chennai Super Kings is winning only because of the yellow colour jersey. If you have not noticed, it is a good colour to have. The world champion Australian cricket team left it in favour of the baggy green and promptly lost the series to India.

The tag and dress colour of "Men in Blue" must change if we have to become the world champions and rule the world of cricket.